Who's the Boss of Me?

For those of you who have been wondering, I have been on blog vacation.  Partway into July I just decided to take a break.  But, I am back to share my many stories of chocolate.

This brown dog, with the ball in his mouth, somehow he has become the boss of me instead of the reverse.  We are doing all we can to change that.  It is a lot of work and patience but slowly I am taking charge.  He desperately needs socialization because when he is in public he is often scared easily and when he's on his own property he likes to tell passers by how it is.

I really like to be my own boss.  I am very forgiving of my own mistakes and very demanding of my own self.  I reason within quite well.  I am my own best friend.  I always win the fight.  Being my own boss seems pretty easy.  Really, though I have to grasp that I cannot control my happenings.  If Zeke could be in control of everything he'd have many bones, fuzzy blankets, endless food....he'd be a glutton.  Instead I am really his boss.  I decide when and if he eats.  I decide if he can go outside. When he is outside I decide whether or not he is allowed to charge the boundaries....well....we are working on that last part, it's still hit and miss  much to the neighbors' dismay!

It takes a lot of work to get him to remember I am his boss.  God often has to work too hard to remind me He is my boss.  It is not necessarily because I don't obey His will, but maybe sometimes because I get like Zeke and forget who is in control, who will provide my need.  I need a Boss because if I am in control of my own life, well it would be all out of control!

 

Give and Take, Take and Give

If you are a true dog lover, you understand why I have two chocolate labs living INSIDE my house.  There are days where it gets kind of crazy.  We have this room in our house that we can lock the dogs in and Steve has named it "The War Room".  Oh, and boy do these dogs war in there.  Barking, playing, jumping....thankfully that's the room with the Big Lots couch from my single days. 

Tug-of-war is a popular game with the labs.  Nay is small but she can hold her own.  Sometimes she thinks because she's louder she's bigger.  Zeke loves to play, he'll come up to Nay and hold the toy over her and when she reaches for it....snap..his head turns the other way.  For them, it's a game of giving and taking, of taking and giving.

I sure do know how to play that game well!  "Okay God, I give this to you...oh wait I take it back!"  We think if we can control things ourselves that we can fix it but then we have to realize that's just not true.  Our God knows best and does best.  It's not always easy to see Him in all things, you have to look for it.  We have to know what to give to God and what to take from Him.  It's simple really because he takes our burdens and gives us the blessings.  Our part is to surrender to it all.

Thinking

She's staring.  Nay is staring.  I wonder what she is looking for at times.  A few rabbits have been known to grace our yard and a squirrel will sometimes find itself on our deck.  (That particular squirrel is so large it could be a small dog!)  I know occasionally a wind may blow a leaf across the yard and though Zeke will bark at it asking it "how dare you come in our yard!", Nay will see it for what it is, a leaf. 

Nay can sit for hours, staring out the window.  She is most often excited by seeing other dogs and sometimes people.  More than anything she is just content to watch.  I can't help but wonder what is going through her mind?  What is she thinking?

We all have moments of reflection.  It is often the end of the day when we lay our head down to sleep.  We become alone with our thoughts.  We think through our day, our week and at what lies ahead.  Humanly speaking, I am always trying to figure out, for myself, how to fix things. My thoughts stumble over one another as I reason my way through my life.  Reasoning with why things happen, what God is teaching me, what is my role, what is my action, why in this place, what is His plan?   

I have been deeply intrigued by the fact that God thinks.  I think of how my own thoughts dart in so many directions and I wonder how God's thoughts are laid out. Just to think that God "thinks" amazes me.  That God ponders and thinks of me.  To imagine how His thoughts, a divine and righteous God, are laid out. Isaiah 55:8 He says "For my thoughts are not your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:9 he says "my ways [are] higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

Through this truth we can find comfort.  We can allow our own thoughts to rest in that God is acting for us. 

Needy Me Pt. 2

So I took it upon myself to commune.  I have a 50 minute drive to work and today I turned off the radio and tried to clear my mind of all but God.  I found myself mentally complaining, worrying and then redirecting my thoughts back to the simplicity of a sovereign God.  Not too much time would pass and I would find myself distracted by traffic, trees, and yes, even roadkill.  So, once again, like a distracted child...I redirected my thoughts to God.  I was talking to God about things.

Do you know when it became simple to keep my thoughts on God?  When I looked at the flowers (that some call weeds) on the side of the road and I saw God in it, and I thanked Him for it.  When I noticed the temperature was just right for the morning, and I saw God in it, and I thanked Him for it.  Suddenly the things that bog us down each day...chores, bills, time....did not seem so important anymore.

Today I think of those who found out their child has cancer.  Today I think of those who found out their home is being taken away.  Today I think of God, who sustains, supplies, supports, and stands with His children.  And so I talk to Him.  I don't want to think of those who have it "worse" to make myself feel better, instead I now have to redirect my thoughts to think of those things I do have in my life to be grateful for.  Communing with God isn't just about asking....it is about thanking, praising and rejoicing in who He is and who He can make me be.

Needy me.  Like Zeke I depend on One to feed and provide for me.  I depend on One to love me.  I must find myself loving Him, knowing Him, seeking Him, talking to Him....I must find myself communing at His throne.

Needy Me

My dogs rarely "cuddle" with each other.  Frankly, Nay just isn't interested. I  think in this picture she was too tired to move.  Zeke loves to cuddle and I believe if Nay would allow it they'd cuddle all the time.

Zeke needs A LOT of quality time.  He is needy.  That's why he always makes the blog stories.  Nay is a very laid back dog, and aside from her storm phobia and stubbornness she's the picture of a perfect dog.  I love her to pieces.  I do find though that Zeke needs lots of attention.  He cuddles me, lays at my feet, lays at the door I have closed, waits for me...he wants to be with me.

Recently I've been thinking about the time I spend with God.  I am so needy like Zeke, but I don't seek the attention I need.  I don't lay at God's feet, I don't cry out to Him, I don't seek after Him.  Sure, I mediate on His Word and His Promises, I worship Him...but do i talk to Him?  Not just the prayer said at the dinner table, or the prayer said after a long stressful discussion, or the prayer said in the church pew....but the prayer that you have, when all the world is quiet and you talk and commune with God.

I'm not talking that methodological prayer where you say all the "cliche" things people say.  You know..."if it be Your will", "please be with", "Lord I need", "thank you for what you've done"....now don't get me wrong, these are all good things and proper things....but what happened to good old-fashioned speaking your heart.  "God, you know how I hurt and worry and I know you say these promises but I don't understand."  Why do I make things up as if God doesn't know my heart already? Doesn't know my doubts already?  Doesn't know what I need already?

And, why oh why, do I not beg and ask God for blessing?  Why don't I lay in wait for Him. It's like I walk up to the throne of Grace, say what needs to be said, and walk away.  Why don't I lay at His feet?  Why don't I lay at His door? 

And so I leave this post with a challenge to the Christian.  Commune.  Share.  Cry.  He is waiting for you.  Get away from your "standard prayer" and really talk and share with God your heart.  After all, what's the point of knowing you are in a storm and that God will make you get through it...if you never even talk to the Master of the sea?

Talking to God isn't reserved for the difficult days, it is for the "every day".  Asking for blessing isn't just for when times are tough, it is for when times are good.  Commune.

Thanks

Tonight is a night of thanks.   I think tonight of those that have been affected by disaster this year.  Earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes...and so far I have only named natural disasters.  We are nearing the halfway point in 2011 and the constant flow of natural disaster will not stop.  I think of the many feet of snow and ice that hit this winter.  I think of the earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand that seems ages ago but was just 3 months ago.  (February 22, 2011).  How, in a world of so much pain can we give thanks?

I have been  motivated by Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts to give thanks every day.  I call it "My Eucharisteo, My Journey of Thanks."  I make myself stop and thank God for something.   Sometimes I have to make myself look for it.  A ray of light in the window, a flower blooming in an unexpected place, dust...yes dust.  Sometimes though I find myself searching to see God in something when I am reminded that sometimes, God wants me to see him in nothing.  Sometimes, when all is stripped away it is so we can see Him.

I do not know why God allows disaster and I do not believe it is always made to "teach a lesson", but the truth is God always wants us learning.  God always wants us looking for Him.

I thank God for my day.  As I planted flowers in my small flower bed and spread mulch, I told myself no music, no ipod...just me, mulch, and God.  I felt if I could block out the congested sounds of this world I might be able to enjoy God in what was around me.  People talking, lawn mowers running, dogs barking, wind blowing, cars going by....and so I thank God for today.  For the simple things in life.  Smell of mulch that reminded me of my childhood in Japan, long summer lights that remind me of camping in the backyard as a child, the fact that I can get on my knees and crawl under a Japanese maple to spread mulch, watermelon on the back porch, warm fuzzy blanket, water, sunshine (even if it is peeking), love, family, memories.

Puddles

Zeke needs walking.  It is not just his extra 10 pounds but his behavior.  Tearing things up in the house, getting territorial, needy for attention.  With spring here I felt it was time to leash him up and take him out.  Monday night was the perfect night.  A storm had just passed and the evening was just cool enough to enjoy without a jacket. The wind was perfect. 

Since Zeke is leash training we do a lot of zig-zag.  (No special dance or anything.)  Walking from one side of the road to the other, circling the culd-e-sac so he can't figure out where I'm headed.  There was a moment in the evening when Zeke discovered puddles.  As we crossed from one sidewalk to the other....I moved directions quickly...leading him, he'd step in a puddle. After one puddle it suddenly became a game.  He'd get so excited that within just two bounds his ears would flop up in the air.  He was so excited with the splash.  Puddles created happiness.

I have never looked at a puddle as happiness.  I wasn't the kind of child splashing around in the rain so a puddle to me was...a puddle.  Rain pooled into one spot until the sun came out and dried it all up. 

After a storm passes we have puddles.  Residual storm so to speak.  Left overs.  A storm in life doesn't just pass over and "poof"....it's done and life can move on.  It leave behind reminders of grace. It leaves behind scars.  It leaves behind reminders of what God has done.  Your puddle may be sparkling in the sun or sitting by the drain with black gravel throughout.  But truthfully, your puddle is happiness. 

Like Zeke is willing to pass through a puddle eagerly and enjoy what the storm has left behind, enjoy your puddle and be reminded of what God has done.